the world is only made for two
by grandpa garbage
Summary: (and that means, not you.)


it's joke just like my life and my existence and my meaning okk lol haha kms

* * *

 **the world is only made for two**

(and that means, not you.)

* * *

"Have you ever heard of those sayings, like, ' _If you love something, let it go - and if it's meant to be, it'll come back,_ ' and, ' _Two is company, but three's a crowd'?_ "

Rin picked at the decaying rubber on her shoes while waiting for an answer.

It was silent.

"You know, the kind you hear as a kid in books or nursery rhymes, or when people are bullying you. Haven't you ever heard of them?" she tried again, glancing up at the elderly woman sitting across from her.

Her eyes were shut and her mouth slightly ajar.

"...Grandma?" Rin reached out to touch the woman's arm, assuming she had somehow fallen asleep, but stopped just above her skin. She… wasn't breathing.

At all.

Before she could even register her actions, she'd jumped up from the patio chair and started screaming out for her mother. But later she'd learn that no matter how hard she'd screamed, her grandmother wouldn't come back to life.

She wasn't even sure how long she was talking to a dead person for without realising it. It shook her up, made her want to fizz out of the top of her head like soda.

The wind had been knocked out of her and she wasn't sure how to get it back.

"It was like you bored her to death," Len said, when Rin had to explain her absence from school to her best friends a few weeks (months) later.

Miku giggled, Rin did not. The pair noticed her stoic silence and quickly sobered.

"Sorry," the boy uttered.

Her absence was more than trying to recover from that horrific event. It was that, and avoiding the imminent reality that her best friends, whom she adored, were… no longer her best friends.

Maybe Rin was paranoid, but Len and Miku seemed to be standing too close to each other for comfort, and away from her like she had some contagious disease. She'd been aware of their… proximity for a while, which looped back to the day she'd asked her grandma those things… and the elderly lady died mid-conversation.

It was probably a bad omen.

She fidgeted with the hem of her uniform, feeling as if their gazes were chasing her away. _You should leave,_ it felt as if they were telling her, _we're happier without you around_.

Someone was shaking her up again, and everything was about to spill out of her head.

"I'm - I'm going to go to the bathroom," she said in a breath, then turned on her heel and sprinted out of the classroom. She felt pathetic, running like always, but her feet had gained their own mind.

Miku followed after her, to find her with her head shoved in the bathroom sink, splashing and splashing and splashing her face.

Her warm hand touched her shoulder and Rin sprung up.

"Hey," her friend cooed, manoeuvring her to face her. "Len didn't mean to…"

"It's nothing. It's fine. I'm fine."

Miku frowned. "You're not fine."

Rin swallowed.

She rubbed her shoulders in an attempt to be comforting. It somewhat helped. "Look, let's put it behind us. We misjudged the situation and we're sorry for upsetting you."

"Yeah," was all Rin could say.

Miku gave her a pretty smile, one that ignited a fire in the pit of her stomach. It glowed and crackled and spread warmth all throughout her body, but only she could feel it. Miku didn't know.

She mustered a small smile back.

"Are you feeling better, now? Class is going to start in five minutes, so we should hurry."

Rin nodded, said nothing.

.

 _so i take off my face, because it reminds me of how it all went wrong_

.

There was something off about Len.

There always had been, for a long time. Rin could never pinpoint what exactly, but it was a niggling feeling on the back of her mind, always reminding her to stay cautious.

Stay cautious.

He wasn't who he used to be.

She was paired with said boy for an excursion for potions class; they had to go find things like mushrooms and dragon scales and venom from the creatures of the forest. Miku had been paired off with someone else - both of them were kind of sulking about it, because both wanted to be with Miku.

Rin realised she preferred her more over Len, especially ever since she became aware of his… oddness. Miku was kind and smart and easygoing… however.

She knew that there was something between Len and Miku. She couldn't get in the way.

They were walking along a rocky trail when the side of the path gave way, and Rin went down, down, down with it. Before she could register what had happened, she found herself staring up at the opening in the canopies above, her body stinging sharply as if her flesh had been torn apart.

Her gaze fell on Len in the distance, watching her from the top of the hill. At first, he looked surprised… then cold.

She was stunned silent as the boy then turned and sauntered off, out of view.

Maybe… he went to get help, or something.

(Her heart told her that wasn't so.)

So, she waited.

And waited.

And waited.

The sun had dipped towards the horizon by the time someone had come for her. She had to be flown on the back of the teacher's broomstick to the infirmary. Apparently Len had returned to the meeting grounds late, as in, two hours late, and claimed he "lost Rin and tried to find her, but couldn't".

She could've spoken up and said that wasn't the case, but she knew better not to.

She didn't know why.

Len and Miku came on hearing they'd taken her to infirmary, where they were checking and tending to her wounds. Her ankle was probably fractured or broken, so one of the nurses were preparing something to heal it.

Rin felt like throwing up, averted her gaze.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so glad they found you, Rin," Miku cried out, rushing to her side. "Len and I were so worried."

Len nodded, eyebrows furrowing. It was a poor effort.

"How are you feeling?" Miku then asked.

"I'm okay." Her voice came out small, feeble.

The girl reached out to stroke the top of Rin's head, and that fire broke out once again in the pit of her stomach. Her arms twitched as she resisted to pull her friend into an embrace, but warning bells were signalling with Len there, staring them down.

"You poor thing." Miku tutted. "Len and I are going to head home now, so I hope you feel better in the morning. You can fill us in on what happened then, okay?"

Before she could say anything, anything at all, they were gone.

.

 _and i pull out my tongue, because it reminds me how it all went wrong_

.

Rin had started hiding in the library at lunchtimes, because she was practically a third wheel with Len and Miku, and Len had left a lasting impression of deep-rooted fear within her.

She resolved to reading textbooks about hidden power, and romance novels where the only people who had happy endings were the female and the male in love. She was trying to knock some sense into herself. Trying.

One of her classmates sat down across from her one lunch, with a book more than half the width of her head.

"What's that?" another girl at her table asked - Miki, if she remembered correctly.

Gumi, the girl with the book, licked her lips. "It's a book about black magic."

Rin lifted her head. "Black magic?"

"You haven't heard of it? You've never heard the story of the Three Sisters?"

"I haven't."

Gumi frowned. "It's about three sisters who find a magic genie who says they'll grant them any wish they want. One wishes for endless riches, the other wishes for immortality, and the third wishes to have the one she loves, love her back."

"Doesn't the genie turn out bad, though?" Miki piped up.

"Yeah," Gumi agreed. "Little do they know that the genie is actually a daemon in disguise, and in return for their wishes, takes their hearts."

"And without a heart, you just become an empty, unfeeling corpse. Basically a zombie, but you're still alive somewhat," the other girl finishes.

"That's where the idea of black magic comes from - any magic performed by a witch or wizard without a heart becomes extremely powerful, yet dangerous, because they no longer have a sense of humanity. It's a real thing, just not very common. Mostly because the government works day in day out to stop this kind of thing from happening."

"Oh," Rin said. "So… you have to make, like, a contract with a daemon?"

Gumi shook her head. "Not always. There's a saying that goes, 'Those with hearts that are consumed by darkness, will eventually become heartless.' So, if you become too negative, the darkness will eat out your heart and you'll become just like one of the three sisters."

Her expression must have looked a little odd, because Miki reached over and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry. There's hardly any cases on this kind of thing, since you've gotta be in a _pretty bad_ place to end up like that."

"You wouldn't even _care_ if you end up like that, really," Gumi added.

Rin looked down at the pages of her book. "Yeah. You're right."

For some reason, she couldn't stop thinking about Len and his cold expression back on that day of the excursion.

.

 _and i cough up my lungs, because they remind me how it all went wrong_

.

It was just Miku and Rin, something that hadn't happened in a long time.

Miku insisted they'd hang out on their weekend, since they 'rarely ever did it'. Rin couldn't deny - it was _Miku_ , of all people.

No matter how upset she could get at her for ignoring her existence whenever Len was present, she would always come crawling back for attention.

Hope told her that maybe she would change Miku's mind, that she would return her feelings. But logic told her that she was dreaming of the impossible.

Rin just… wasn't _good_ enough. She couldn't see what Miku saw in Len, but obviously whatever Len had, Rin lacked.

Her chest ached when she thought about it so much, when she thought about how… _unwanted_ she was.

"I've missed talking to my best friend," Miku said with a pout as they waited in line to buy some takoyaki from the festival stalls near a popular shrine. "You're always in the library or something, studying…"

Rin gave her a thin smile, and wondered if Len knew about their outing. Was he sharpening knives at home, waiting to jump out of the bushes and finish her for good? She was convinced he disliked her, but her head spun whenever she considered it was because he was _jealous_.

He had the upper hand. Rin was just the third wheel, the 'best friend(zoned)'.

"I don't know. I just get the feeling I should leave you two alone," she found herself saying.

Miku glanced back at her, surprised. "No? We love having you around, Rin. You're our cute friend!" She reached out to squish her cheeks with one hand.

Rin's cheeks turned red. _Cute_ … friend.

It lost the magic, the same way happy endings did.

Miku always said, "My cute, pretty friend!" or, "My cutie partner in crime!" when referring to Rin, and it was kind of like being thrown off a cliff… softly, with lots of apologies.

She laughed in response, but even her laugh sounded rather dull. Today was turning south faster than she anticipated.

They ordered their food and went to sit on a bench under a tree nearby, one that overlooked a park filled with delighted children and happy couples.

It was as if someone had cut Rin out of a newspaper and stuck her on the page of a magazine. The whole world seemed against her, today. Maybe it was.

"You okay, Rin? You seem kind of… off," Miku said, peering over at her.

"I'm fine," she answered, but it was more so just her trying to convince herself that she, indeed, was as fine as she claimed she was.

Miku put her hand on her arm and squeezed it gently. "Hey, you know, you mean a lot to me…"

Rin paused to listen, her heart beat increasing.

"I feel bad because I'm never showing appreciation and I'm just causing more trouble for you, you know?"

Her eyebrows furrowed.

"But Rin is very special to me! She's my best friend, yeah? What would I do without her?"

Yeah, she's… just her best friend, huh.

What _would_ Miku do without Rin? Well, she had Len. If Rin didn't exist, would it have changed anything? If Rin suddenly disappeared, would Miku even notice she was gone? Would Miku do anything about it? If there was a choice between saving either her or Len, but she could only pick one, who would she choose?

Len.

If Rin was removed from the picture, nothing would change. But if Len was, it would be a calamity.

She knew that.

It was such an ugly feeling, to be aware of all of that.

Miku still had Len with Rin gone. But if Rin didn't have Miku, she had _no one_.

Rin forced a smile onto her face. "Thank you," she mumbled. "You're special to me too, Miku."

 _And it's tearing me apart._

Her friend grinned. "Hey, do you want the rest of my takoyaki? I'm feeling full."

She shrugged, and took the remainders from her takeaway container. "Thanks."

Miku hummed. After seeming to mull over something for a bit, she turned to her and said, "Actually, Rin, I need your opinion on something."

... _Oh no_ , a voice whispered in her head.

After finishing her food, she answered with reluctance, "Yeah?"

"I… um, I'm sure you've probably picked it up already, but I kind of like Len."

Rin stared down at her shoes. "Mm."

"Well, it's more than 'kind of like', but uh, you get the idea," the girl continued. "I just… I want to ask this from you, because you know both of us well enough. But uh, do you think I should… ask him out?"

She wanted to jump up and run.

But her feet stayed planted.

 _Say no, say no, say no…_

"S… sure," Rin choked out. She couldn't look up at Miku. If she did, the whole world would collapse in on her and everything would fizz out of her head again. "I'm… pretty sure he likes you back anyway, Miku."

"You think?"

"Yeah. It's… obvious."

"Oh. Okay. Wow. I didn't realise…" Miku hesitated. "Are you… um, okay?"

No. _No_.

She was _not_ okay.

She was _far_ from okay.

Every part of her was being torn apart slowly, a feast for the beasts. Tomorrow suddenly seemed so far away, barely within reach. Someone had cut their way into her mind and started stomping away on her brain. Her heart was being pierced by a thousand knives.

"I… I just, I suddenly feel really sick, Miku," Rin lied, trying to stand. "Maybe I ate too much takoyaki…"

Her friend moved forward to aid her. "Do you want me to find us a bathroom?" she asked, sounding panicked.

" _No_ , no, n - I, I think I should just go home."

Rin couldn't look at Miku's face, she just wanted the sky to swallow her up. "I'll take you back, then," Miku said.

"I'll go by myself. It's fine. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me." She stepped away from her friend.

"But -"

"Don't worry about me," Rin repeated, before she broke out into a sprint.

She didn't want to look back. She didn't want to stop. She just wanted to escape.

.

 _but i leave in my heart, because i don't want to stay in the dark_

.

She locked herself in her room and curled up into a ball on her carpet, and sobbed. Her mother tried to ask what was wrong, but she ignored her. If she said another word, she would fall apart, piece by piece, and disappear between the cracks of the floorboards, unable to be fixed.

 _You knew about this already, you stupid, stupid girl -_

 _It was never possible. Why did you - why did you_ believe _in some petty miracle?_

 _You aren't good enough, Rin. You aren't good enough. You aren't important. You're_ supposed _to be left behind and forgotten. You're_ supposed _to be second best. You're_ supposed _to be rendered completely useless when it came to other,_ better _people._

Len… Len, how was he _better?_ He was psychotic. He left her there, that day, in the forest to _die_. Yet, Miku still chose him over her. _Miku still chose him over her_.

Was she worse than Len? Was _she_ the monster? Secretly all along, Miku probably _hated_ her. Everyone hated her. She was _awful_. She was _terrible_.

She was just never good enough, never ever ever ever ever.

Rin screamed, digging her hands into her hair, tearing at it. _Disappear, disappear, disappear_.

 _What was_ happening _?_

"I don't want to exist anymore," she whispered. "It doesn't matter. I don't matter. I never mattered to anyone. Len just wanted me out of the way, and I'm ever only a nuisance to Miku, aren't I? I'm terrible, horrible, _malicious_ \- G _od_ -"

 _Disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear -_

She dug into her skin, tore herself apart, unravelling on the floor of her room.

 _Pathetic._

 _You are_ _ **pathetic**_ _._

 _And_ _ **no one**_ _loves you._

 _And you're_ _ **not**_ _worth it._

 _So there's that._

A hammer struck her chest, and all at once, she felt

absolutely

 _nothing._

* * *

well that was fucking stupid, like me!

the lyrics are from organs by omam

i want to shove myself into a blender! and throw my heart to the wolves! and set myself on fire! literally let me die! :)


End file.
